Ahahahaha!

Check this out! FREE WATER! This photo taken in the Pentagon parking lot before the Ride for Freedom. I like it.

And the thunder rolls...

Yesterday, I skipped church to ride on the back of a motorcycle in the annual Ride for Freedom. I met my bikers in the Pentagon parking lot and chilled for about an hour. At noon, more than 400,000 bikers (and I) left the parking lot en route to the National Mall. It was FABULOUS! I've never ridden on a motorcycle before. It was so free... so fun!

Crowds of thousands of people gathered to watch the procession from the sidewalk. One Marine stood in the middle of the rode and saluted the ENTIRE group! What a man :). Everyone was cheering and waving... What a rush!

After the ride, I walked back to the apartment as fast as possible and pounded out my story. I finished it and sent it off before dinner and headed out to dinner with Dena, Eric and Greg.

NOTE TO SELF (and anyone else who happens to read this blog): DO NOT EAT AT POPEYES!

We went to Eastern Market to get some dinner and the only place that looked somewhat cheap was Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits. I know Beyonce Knowles likes it, and who can argue with Beyonce, so we head on inside. Just about everyone working behind the counter was COMPLETELY incompetent. The chicken had all the taste of flour and the soda had a strange taste to it. Greg had to wait 15 minutes for his chicken sandwich. When he asked where his sandwich was, the worker said, "What sandwich?" AHAHAHHA!

By the time we got back to the apartment, the chicken was hitting me hard. I don't think I'll ever eat at that place again.

Anyway, last night we watched Spellbound because a lot of the people here are covering the Bee next week. It's a hilarious movie. I highly recommend it.

Today I've been so lazy. Grant, Simone and I ventured out for some BBQ, but that's about it. My second story got published, so that was cool. The photo's not on the site, but I heard it got published in the actual paper. I can't wait to go home and see my stuff in print!

I'm so glad I decided to do SIJ. It's been an ABSOLUTE blast. I know I've said that already, but it just keeps becoming more true. I love D.C. and I'm SOOOOO glad I'm here.

PUBLISHED!!!

My article ran today in the Courier & Press. What a rush! Here's the link.

It's wild. With this one article, I've reached more people than all of my past Echo articles combined! So excited.

Anyway, I better get to writing my next article. It's on Rolling Thunder, too, but this is more of an event coverage. Look for it Monday morning if all goes as planned.

I heart bikers

I had an absolute BLAST today, altho it's not how I planned it.

I had hoped to have the day to relax and reorient myself... and type up my budget (newspaper-speak for story plans). Of course, that meant sleeping it, but with the constant sirens outside our window, that just didn't happen.

I worked out for the first time since I've been at SIJ. They have the cutest little workout room in the building next door. I watched Fox News and CNN while I trained. It felt great to work out again, not that I haven't walked my BUTT off since I've been in DC. Eight days... can you imagine?

So I take a shower and check my phone and I have a missed call from Don Johnson, my biker guy that I'm writing my first two stories on. I called him back but he was on his bike, so a few minutes later he called me back. He said the group was headed over to the Capitol building for a tour and asked if I'd like to join them. Of course I would!

An hour later, I was on my way to the Capitol to meet my boys (and girls). Walking there, I was really nervous, but after meeting them, it was totally cool. They're probably the most fun, open, friendly people I've ever met! Some of them look like ordinary folks. Others look like they could pop my head off with their eyelashes. They're all really nice tho.

Our Capitol building is AMAZING! The art is breathtaking and the history is fascinating. I spend most of my time observing the group, but I couldn't help but be distracted by the majesty of this place.

I went back to the apartment and typed up a budget. Dinner was on our own tonight, so Simone, Grant, Ariel, Eric and I ordered CHINESE! There's this great place in Eastern Market that delivers to our apartment. It was fabulous. It reminded me of Hong Kong... only one more month and I'll be back there. Whoa...

I met with TMatt and Pam for my story conference, which wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done. When it comes to journalism, I just don't think TMatt can be nice. I can take criticism, but only constructive criticism. Most of his remarks are not constructive. Anyway, I'm not worried about it. I think I'm doing a decent job.

Erin and I went back out to meet our bikers for the Vigil at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. IT was my first time to the Wall, so it was a neat experience for me. Top, this huge biker guy with a shiny bald head and tattoos up his arms, took me around to all the statues. Tell me what you see, he asked me. Then he told me what he saw. He saw so much more, because he'd been there. He told me the significance of the little details in the way the soldiers and nurses were wearing their clothes and gear. He had so much insight! What an experience.

Coming back on the Metro, Erin and I talked about life and love. I think I've mentioned how much I love the Metro. I don't know why I'm so interested in transportation, but for some reason, I am.

That puts me about right here, sitting in front of the computer, delaying sleep. I have a lot of reading to do, but I'm not terribly interested. I'll probably do it anyway. You know how I do.

Look for my byline

I submitted my first REAL story today to the Evansville Courier and Press. It should go to print on Saturday morning. I can't wait!

Back to the game last night...

Ok, so we leave the apartment at 4:35 p.m. and returned at 1:30 a.m. The funny thing is, all we did was go to a ballgame.

We took the train to Baltimore and Camden Yards. It's an absolutely gorgeous stadium! It's also really huge. We got in with nosebleed tickets for $9 which turned out great because we were under the overhang. As the fifth inning began, the skies opened up and the tarp pullers went into action.

For 65 minutes, it poured. The large white tarp over the baseball diamond turned into a gigantic, illegal slip n' slide. One lucky guy eluded security guards and raced onto the field, making a bee-line for the tarp. What is it with grown men and slip n' slides? The best part was when he got up and put his hand behind his back so the guards could cuff him and take him away. What a moment.

When the game finally got going again, the runs kept coming. The game was SO close! One inning, the Yankees would be leading, the next inning, the Orioles were back on top. During the last two innings, Eric, Dena and I found seats around the tenth row to take pictures. I was SO close to Derek Jeter! It was amazing.

Anyway, Yankees won 12-9. I'd been cheering for the Orioles, so I was a little bummed. We took a bus back to DC and walked from Union Station to the apartment. First, we stopped by 7-11 because we were all STARVING. There were so many police officers hanging out in there! They were just chillin, drinking coffee and waiting for someone to break the law. Ha!

Tonight I went back to 7-11 with some of the girls just for the heck of it. I gave a homeless woman 50 cents, which I'm not sure if I should have done, but I felt really moved to. On the one hand, I work hard for my money and I've heard how people like that can take advantage of you. On the other, she is a person who God loves and I should show her grace. Her hands were so soft and her nails were painted hot pink. She had these large brown eyes and her hair was pulled back in a pink bandana. I can't imagine being in her position, asking strangers for money I did not earn. I can't imagine the despair and humiliation. It's so easy to ignore people when you don't look at them, but if they touch you on the elbow and look into your eyes like she did, how do you say no?



Eric, me and Dena at the Orioles game in our SWEET seats

The longest baseball game EVER

Last night, some friends and I went to the Orioles v. Yankees game at Camden Yards. Game started at 7:05 and went until midnight. More to come, I'm on deadline with this biker piece.

Lightning strikes

Last night, Simone, Dena and I played on the roof in the rain during a lightning storm. Maybe not the smartest thing I've ever done, but it was fun.

I love the roof of our apartment building. It has a deck and benches and everything.

I'm going to 7-11 now for some coffee.

The best day of my life

Getting off the train at Metro Center, I rushed up the escalator (on the left side, of course) and fed my MetroCard into the scanner. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," the attendant called as the pale yellow gates yielded to my presence. "Today is the best day of your life."

When we left Dellenback Center this morning, our group of scruffy college students transformed into suit-clad journalists. Sure we were the plankton in an ocean of Washington, D.C. journalists, but we at least we belonged somewhere in the ecosystem. We had officially crossed over from tourists to interns.

I really like D.C. now that it's my home. I don't feel lost anymore or out of place. Well, maybe a little out of place... just enough to feel like I'm still in an adventure.

I loved that man in the Metro and what he said as I left the station. It made me smile, but it also made me realize what a blessing this place really is. Here is a community at the heart of the nation. Here is the pulse of a country, setting an example of unity. Some people here still scare me (from the people at 7-11 to the bureaucrats on Capitol Hill, but I'm getting past my fear. As Wes Pippert reassured us this morning, we don't have to be afraid of this place.

I'm not afraid anymore. You hear that? I'm not afraid anymore!

All I ever have to be

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
have all bee nicely said,
I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am.
I think I am.

Then you gently re-remind me
That you made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best,
the more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me is only there because of who you are.
Who you are.

And all I ever have to be is what you made me.
Any more or less would be a step out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
that I only have to do what I can find
and all I ever have to be,
all I have to be,
all I ever have to be
Is what you made me.

I used to love Amy Grant. It was the music of my childhood. It disgusted me to hear of her infidelity and divorce. Last Thanksgiving I even watched a news feature on the ordeal whilst playing Scrabble with my dad and stepmom. How fitting.

I hated Amy Grant. I hated her for standing up for infidelity. I hated her for staining her image. I hated her for being too human, too much like my dad.

Despite my aversion to Ms. Grant, I always find myself comforted amidst my deepest despairs by her song, "All I ever have to be." It hits at the heart of all I am. It gives me the hope of a new tomorrow and a Father's grace.

I know Amy Grant is human and doesn't deserve my hate. I think she could be a little more apologetic when it comes to all the people she hurt, but let's be honest, I don't know all the facts.

Why can't those words in which I find such comfort apply to the very woman who first sang them? I need to get beyond this idolatry of Amy Grant. She is human, just as I am. All she ever has to be is what God made her. She is only accountable to Him, whether I like it or not.

The Hunt

Today was the big city-wide scavenger hunt. It was actually pretty fun, except for the fact that we walked until our feet fell off and I got a little sunburned. All in all, it was a good time, and I definitely feel more accustomed to the city now.

I absolutely love riding the metro. I wish we had one in Evansville! I always think they're so great... it's just an excellent way to get around town. The only problem with the DC metro is how spread out the stations are. We had to walk FOREVER to get to a station. I was way above 90 degrees today, too. I know, cry me a river, but that's some major walking. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

Our caper ended in success, however, because my team and I took home the coveted prize of ice cream purchased by tMatt. I look forward to the milky, cold goodness.

I'm having a good time, and even feel like I'm starting to fit in here. I still REALLY like my apartment, especially because of my roommates. They're all great girls. I still don't exactly know what I'm doing for stories, but I think I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll google a little tonight and see what I can dig up.

Before I go, one funny incident: my team of girls (and one guy) crossed the street by the Capitol Building and this car full of guys starts chanting, "Titties." I haven't heard that word since I was in 6th grade! How nostalgic. K, hope you enjoyed. I'm off to shower.

Newsroom Fever

I am getting absolutely no where. I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't get ahold of my editor. I'm going INSANE!

I feel like once I get some more specifics nailed down, I'll be able to cruise, but I don't know this city. In a city where it's all who you know, I don't know ANYONE. What have I gotten myself into?

The Echo is so predictable. I know my audience and my job. Evansville is my audience, but it's been nine months since I've lived there. To be perfectly honest, I don't know the climate there right now. How can I write to these people?

As much as I'm complaining, I've already learned a lot. I'm excited because I'm growing up so much here, but I"m definitely out of my comfort zone. Today I went grocery shopping and I felt like a fish out of water. I don't know why -- it was wierd.

Tonight we're going to Union Station for dinner and a movie. It'll be a nice break. I really want to see that Supersize Me documentary. I'm thinking I could make it into a story. We'll see.

WASHINGTON --

Here I am, sitting in my apartment in Washington, D.C. It's pretty surreal still... it's been a long day.

I basically threw my room in a cardboard box and jumped on a plane. Uncle Tom picked me up at the airport and took me to the complex in his spiffy hybrid car.

Anyway, I'm having a hard time taking all this in and I still need to unpack. Sorry I can't think right now. Too much talking all around my head. More to come.

The end of the beginning... or something like that

Well, my finals are over and I'm about to head back to my room to pack. I have a missing library book that I left in the Echo office. It's not there anymore. Now I have a huge fine. Boo.

My mom and brother will be here in less than two hours. I can't believe I'm about to leave Taylor. As much as I've been looking forward to this year being over, I don't want it to be over. I love my friends and my situation the way it is right now. I've never been one to despise change, and I don't really despise it... I guess I'm just scared.

Tomorrow I'm taking the biggest risk in my life thus far. I'm getting on a plane and going to live in Washington DC for the next month. I'm going to be writing, doing something I'm passionate about, and I just might fail.

I'm scared I'm going to make a fool out of myself. I'm realizing just how unprepared I am for this. I don't want to leave my safe little bubble, as hectic and annoying as it is.

I didn't realize how frightened I was until I got the news yesterday that I would be taking a cab from the airport to the apartment BY MYSELF. The only time I've ever been in a cab was in China, and you can bet I wasn't alone! I don't even know the first thing about hailing a cab! I'm so clueless. To make matters worse, I'm the only one who has to do this because I have the latest flight. I don't know why I'm getting so worried, so bent out of shape. I'm an adult, I can handle this. No I can't! I still feel like a little girl inside, like I'm totally unprepared for the real world... or at least urban America.

Well, life's not all bad. I am finished with my finals and with the Echo and with yearbook (almost). Ben sent me a fun e-mail today reminiscing about the time he came to Taylor for my birthday. Here's a fun excerpt:

"You didn't have a clue. You wouldn't have been more surprised to wake up the next morning with your head sewn to the carpet. I mean, seriously. You were stunned."

Haha!

Anyway, I need to go to my room and start packing. This time tomorrow I'll be in the Indy airport, possibly boarding the plane that will whisk me away to destiny. Thanks for your prayers.

I didn't start the fire

A tragic dorm fire killed 187 English Hall residents and two illegal kittens just after 1 a.m. Nah.

Luckily that didn't happen at all, especially because my friends were inside when the fire alarm went off. Fires and smoke setting off alarms at odd hours are an unfortunate side effect of living in a dorm fabled for the compulsive baking habits of some of its residents.

I didn't start the fire, and I have an air-tight alibi (not that I need one since the only time I've ever used the oven was to bake cookies for Matt one time when he tried to resurrect my dying computer... and that didn't work out so well). I was walking back from a study session at the Union and had just reached the sidewalk by Wengatz when the familiar fire alarm went off. My first instinct was to laugh, but I stopped that when I saw the multitudes of unhappy, groggy women filing out into the parking lot. Well, maybe I giggled a little, but can you honestly blame me? Here I am, brain frazzled from obscure New Testament facts and all of English Hall gets to share in my joy of still being awake. It felt like sweet justice.

Anyway, I was SO thankful I hadn't been in bed because that would have been the most unfun thing to happen this year... next to my car accident over Thanksgiving break. That stunk, too.

I'm also thankful that no one really died or was hurt (to my knowledge). Accidents happen, especially in the kitchen (as I well know), and everytime I'm spared I thank God for his providence. OK, now I'm just BSing because I can't think of a good conclusion to this blog and I'd like to get to bed. Good luck with day two finals!

Sympathy cards

I broke into tears when I got to my room this evening.

I'd just checked the mail and it was all for me (for the first time ever). There were two envelopes and an Outpost postcard. The envelopes BOTH contained sympathy cards. The first was from my church back home. The second was from my Aunt Belinda and Uncle Tom (the ones who live in Maryland).

How random is that? It's been more than two weeks since Uncle Curt died. I'd almost forgotten about it, and then I get two cards on the same day for the same purpose. Wild.

Not that it's a bad thing by any means. I feel beyond loved, but it does bring all the emotions flooding back. Luckily, Paula's computer was freaking out when I got in the door so the tears quickly dissipated in a fit of laughter. That girl has problems. :)

I ought to get on this whole studying thing. Bib Lit II tomorrow. It's the only final I'm actually worried about. Wish me luck!

MACin' it up no more

Today was my last Sunday at Muncie Alliance Church until next semester. It was kind of sad, considering it's been one of my main sources for spiritual wisdom this past semester.

I like my home church, Christian Fellowship Church, to some extent, but it's just not the same. MAC is like this little community where everyone relies on prayer and drinks lots of coffee. CFC is so... rich. I noticed it especially over Easter. The service is just so self-glorifying. All the songs are "Me me me" "I love Jesus" "I'm the greatest because I have Jesus" "Don't you wish you were me"... No wonder people hate Christians! Church is one big ego-trip.

I don't want to bash CFC, because they share a problem with a vast majority of the modern church. I also REALLY respect CFC for their emphasis on missions work. If the people who went to CFC were not so wealthy, we wouldn't have the same type of missions program that we do.

I'm still gonna miss MAC, but, luckily, I'll get to finish up Guy's teaching on Revelation through Web streaming. Check it out... it's really enlightening.

Anyway, I gotta go take a picture for yearbook and then I'm babysitting for my favorite family, THE CRAMERS! I'll miss them, too. Ugh. I still have to write my paper for Comm. Sem. III tomorrow, so I'll definitely be at the Union all night. Good times.

Echoes of Wisdom

A few days ago, I read Joe's farewell column in The Echo and it really struck a chord with me. Here's a brief excerpt pertaining to the expectation of failure:

"I'm not saying failure won't hurt. But you may find it hurts less if you're prepared for it. It may even serve as a comfort if it reminds you that you're striving for something worth both your toil and your disappointment."

Wow. I had never thought of it that way. I'm always SO offended when I fail, but no offense has been committed. I hope to apply this principle in my own life because it makes success so much sweeter if I expect to lose.

The Cell Block Tango

Well, kids, hell has officially frozen over. My best friend, who is probably the sweetest, most law-abiding guy I know, spent twelve hours in jail this week under charges of drug use.

Any of ya'll who know Ben are probably really confused right now. What went wrong? Ben tells me he didn't do anything and I believe him COMPLETELY. His tests even came back negative! These stupid police officers at Purdue just locked him up because they suspected drug abuse. What daf???

How is that even legal? How can officers just take a kid off the street and stick him in a jail cell? How could they humiliate him like that when the only thing he did was turn the wrong way onto a one-way street. He didn't even have an accident! UGH!

It's kind of a funny story looking back on it, but it kind of makes me wonder if this type of thing happens a lot. The Lafayette PD may have a lot of questions to answer.

Benny, you're the best man I know. Way to hold up in the face of pressure like that.

Drama, drama, drama

This morning when I got in from The Echo, the birds would NOT shut up! Before I could fall asleep, the first lights of dawn had already begun streaming into our eastward-facing window. Crazy birds. Go to sleep.

I headed to class at the end of the chapel period, just in time to drop some papers by the Echo office. With only a few minutes left to get to class, I rushed off down the hall, only to be accosted by a very irate Jan. She informed me of her (and the department's) anger over a Letter to the Editor that had been published that morning in The Echo. In the letter, Lee Hildebrand (the station manager for the last two years) accused our campus radio station of some sketchy stuff, and Jan said it was totally unsubstantiated and that Wes knew that and shouldn't have published it. I told her Wes did not write the letter and really didn't know much about the situation as it did not concern my page and hadn't even had a chance to read the letter. Jan told me that the letter was a "slap in the face" to the communication department and The Echo will not hear the end of this. Preview of coming attractions? Pray for me.

The truth is, Taylor's comm. Department doesn't need The Echo to slap it in the face. It's done enough damage to itself. In fact, The Echo, under the leadership of Wes and Joe, is the only thing the comm. department really has to be proud of right now. I take that back, we have a few pretty decent plays, but besides that, I've almost been ashamed to call myself a comm. major this year.

The Comm. department is like an incredibly dysfunctional family. It basically owns The Echo and has been pushing it to become a more professional paper. Part of that means printing more controversial stories, which the faculty actually encourage. In fact, in my interview for editor-in-chief, Jan actually asked me if I was willing to print stories even if it would be unpopular. However, the minute something happens in the department, all that goes out the window. Case in point: We never printed ANYTHING in The Echo about Ollie because the Comm. department wouldn't let us! If anyone in any other department had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we'd be on it in a second. The Comm. department thinks we're some PR tool. What is this? It isn't journalism, that's for sure.

Also, the Letters to the Editor section of any paper expresses the opinions of individuals writing the letters, NOT the paper itself. Jan was angry because the dept. didn't get to tell its side of the story. Well, a letter to the editor doesn't tell the other side of the story. Also, we gave Justin Clupper the opportunity to rebut Lee's letter, but he DECLINED!

Well now I'm definitely not excited about next year. It's obvious that the radio station people need to sit down and get their differences settled in a civilized manner without dragging other media into it. I hope things cool down over the summer.

The end of an era

Tonight is the last Echo night of the year. It's definitely bitter-sweet. I'm really gonna miss the staff this year. I'm going to miss each night, walking into English at 3 a.m., gushing with Emily about how tight our staff is. I'm gonna miss hitting that wall around 1 a.m. where I just want to scream and throw my computer across the J-Lab. I'm gonna miss my friends stopping by to visit me in this gilded cage.

Next year will be completely different. For one thing, I'll be in charge. Scary thought. I have a lot of growing up to do before next year. I'm confident in the staff next year, but I'm not quite confident in myself. I'm really scared of failing. It's gonna be hard to follow Wes and Joe. They've been an incredible team. Now it's my turn and the ball is totally in my court. If I drop it, I'll have to pay dearly.

Right now, Joe is taking his sweet time writing his article. I gave him the assignment a few months ago, but he's just now writing it. That's cool, but I have a HUGE day tomorrow. I better get some work done so I don't die.

Good-bye Echo 2003-2004. Farewell Wes, Joe, Gloria and Neville. You've been my family and constant companions. You'll always have a place in my heart.

The Java Jive... And other thoughts

I love the Jumping Bean.

I love World Alliance Coffees.

I'm really gonna miss it when I'm away this summer.

Tommy gave me a gift certificate for $10 in coffee at the Bean for taking another pic of the Executive Cabinet. That's GOLD where I come from! I should make a cardboard sign and stand out on The Loop, "Will Work for Coffee." Mmmmm...

I really need to be homeworking right now, but I'm starting to lose motivation. I have almost all of my in-depth story DONE... Yeah, the one I started YESTERDAY! I'm a machine, what can I say. It's about major prestige at Taylor. The girl I lift with on Tuesday and Thursday mornings did the study for a sociology class. It's interesting, but it kinda makes me sad. Communication Arts majors were ranked second to last, only to be undercut by Theater. It's the same stinkin' department! Mass Comm. wasn't even on the list. We ranked dead last for work load and second to last again for intelligence (?!).

The horrible thing is, I know it's true. Sometimes, I get out of my comm. classes and I just feel stupider. Comm. majors are complete slackers, too. No one ever wants to do any work and everyone complains all the time. It's actually really embarrassing.

Granted, not everyone in comm. is a slacker, but most people go for the major because it's easy and NOT because they LOVE communication. A lot of the people in the major aren't even effective communicators!

I think the faculty are on to us. This year was bad. With Ollie out, the other profs have had to work overtime and now that Sova's gone, it looks like we're taking a nose dive. Our faculty retention rate is almost comical. I've heard stories about all the profs that have been through this department in the past few years. It's the stuff of pure satire. I love our profs and our little corner of Rupp, but I wish our department were a little more successful.

Speaking of the java jive, I'm off to the Bean to burn a hole in this $10 gift certificate.

I'm no hero

According to Margaret, I saved her life today.

She and I went to work out at 8 a.m. this morning, as is our Tuesday/Thursday routine. About half-way through a solid cardio-session, Mags stopped and told me she would not be finishing today because she was cramping. I bid her farewell and continued sweating to the Special Report on the mistreated war prisoners.

A few minutes later, I'm checking my pulse and Annie Calhoun comes up to me and tells me the Margaret is downstairs and thinks she's gonna pass out. I had NO idea what to do. I ran downstairs and there was Mags, curled up in a little ball, moaning in pain. She said she's never hurt so badly in her life. I was scared. I told her to just relax and bought her a juice.

Margaret did not feel like she could walk all the way to the health center, so I tried to find a car. I called everyone on the wing whose numbers I could remember. Either everyone was at class or they were going class. I had a class to be at to, but I figured this was a little more important. I was actually angry at these girls for valuing their attendance records over their friend. I just hope no one has to go to class when I'm lying on the bathroom floor doubled over in pain.

I called the health center and they called campus safety to come pick us up. In a few minutes, we were in the air conditioned bliss of a campus safety vehicle. By the time we reached the Health Center, Mags felt much better. I think the heat got to her, although she's from Texas and is used to the heat.

After a vitals check, the nurse said she wasn't dying and offered her a room to relax in. We went in there and talked. Although I probably should have left her there and gone to class, I'm glad I didn't. I really care about Margaret. She's been such a light to me this semester. I'm so glad she came back from Ireland!

At lunch, she was telling everyone about how I "saved her life," but I don't think I deserve any credit for that. I had no idea what to do, and I was afraid that if I did do anything I'd hurt her even more. I know people have stepped up to help me get through things like that... like my roommate a few weeks ago. I guess it's just time for me to give back.

I need serenity

What a day.

I woke up this morning in Evansville and by 11 a.m. I was drooling on a desk in Upland, Indiana. Cheers for the invention of the automobile. Jeers for construction on 465. THAT was crap.

I almost nodded off a few times on the way back to Taylor. I definitely didn't want to be going back. The weekend had been amazing! I'd gotten to see so many people and truly enjoy and support my family. I even adored the 90 degree heat already baking the early May air. Anything but here. Anything but responsibility and work and stress.

It seems like every time I open my e-mail, there's another message asking me to do something more. I'm already way overloaded right now. I don't even know which way is up anymore. I am actually dreading the next couple of days.

Today was a roller coaster. When I got to school, I was absolutely exhausted. I haven't been awake so early since... I don't know when. Each class was yet another reminder of the mountain of unfinished tasks perched precariously atop my temple. I'm getting a headache.

There were brief moments of joy, like when I got a parking spot in English, or when I got through to a student I was tutoring, or when my wing (really Alicia, I think) sent me flowers. I do have reasons to smile... but...

There have been really dark times, too. All day, I've just been really spiteful. I'll look at people and just start yelling at them inside of my head. Then Kim came up to me in the hall and asked how I was doing. I asked her if she wanted the real answer or the fake one. She bravely asked for the real, and boy did I ever give it to her. Then she asked if we could pray and I actually said no! I know she was being sincere and that prayer is nothing to take lightly, but for some reason, I was just really repulsed. I think I totally offended her, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get to Bib Lit on time.

I think about Uncle Curt a lot. I think about his gored, lifeless body impaled by the side of the road. I think about how life is so short and so uncertain. I think about my Aunt Lana who, strong as she is, couldn't help but break down at the thought of him so helpless. She misses him so much. I do, too.

My dad took Nate and I out to dinner on Friday night. He sat silently at the table pulverizing the lemon in his water with a butter knife. His eyes seemed intent, yet vacant. I've never seen him so sad.

He told me he was proud of me going to DC, and, for the first time, I actually believed him. It's been a long road, but suddenly I see my dad for who he is. He's human. He's frail. He can only hurt me as much as I let him, and I guess he can only love me as much as I let him.

Another lesson learned.

Homeward Bound

I'm leaving for home in less than two hours. It depends on how long the speeches take in Public Speaking. I hope they don't take the full hour. I need to get on the road.

I finished my pages SUPER early last night. I left the office at 2 a.m.! That's more than an hour earlier than my average! Too bad I only have one more issue left so I can improve my time even more. Yeah right. It'll be NICE to be finished with this year... Although I'll really miss the staff. Wes, Joe, Neville and Gloria are all graduating. So sad. I really will miss those guys!

This week has been an absolute BLUR. Monday was my birthday, which was fun. Pawl made me wear all this princess gear to all of my classes and Callie projected "Happy Birthday Megan Elder" on the power point in Chapel, so basically everyone knew it was my birthday. That was great. I spent most of the day in classes and in the Writing Center, but at 10:30, I went to Sammy to see Rice Pilaf. They were hilarious, as usual, and for the last skit, Shadow asked for a volunteer. When no one jumped out of their seat with eagerness, he was like, "maybe someone with a birthday... Is Megan Elder here?" What a homie. So, yeah, I got my life reinacted by Pilaf. Good times.

On Tuesday, I took theater pix for FOUR HOURS! I was so angry. I missed Gilmore Girls and my fingers ached from hitting the shutter. Anna and Leah got me flowers, tho, and I went to Handy Andy with my girls, so the day worked out.

Accuweather.com said it would thunderstorm today at 10 a.m. How do they do it? It's 10:03 and the sky is rumbling.

Yeah, I'm not in chapel. I'm not a huge fan of Farmer and I have packing to do anyway.

Well, that reminds me, I need to get on that. I also need to look nice when I get to E-ville because I have a meeting with my COURIER AND PRESS editor. YAY! Then I have dinner with my dad. He doesn't sound like he's doing very well with Uncle Curt's death. I can't blame him, but I want to be there for him... Even tho he's never been there for me. I don't know why... I just love him, I guess. He hasn't earned my love, so I guess it's unconditional. Hmm... maybe I'm growing up here.

The rain has hit. See you in E-ville... I'll be back to TU on Monday.

My hope is built on nothing less...

Early Friday morning, my Uncle Curt slipped the mortal bonds of earth and went home to Jesus. I've been trying to figure out if I really believe that. I mean, what really happens when we die? I know what I'm supposed to believe, being a good Christian girl at Taylor University, but I'm not always sure. Still, God's been proving himself worthy of my trust in all his hidden ways.

For the past few days, I've been walking around in an angry haze. I'm still not sure what to do with myself. I don't want to be around people, yet I don't want to be alone. Then, last night, I escaped campus and went to see Mean Girls with John and Kim. It was HILARIOUS; just what I needed! I finally felt I could honestly smile again. In fact, John was totally there for me all day since Taylathon got cancelled. It was really great to talk to him. He's an amazing friend, even after I treated him so badly last year.

When I got back, the girls were watching While You Were Sleeping, so I joined them. During the movie, Pam presented me with a chocolate bar and sympathy card signed by all the girls on the wing! I am beyond blessed to be living on 3SE (side note: Emily and Melissa are moving up here next year!!! WHHHAAAAAHHOOOOO!).

Today in church, God really gave me a sense of peace about Uncle Curt. Although I fear death beyond understanding, I'm starting to realize just what a gift eternity is. I wish I were in Evansville with my family helping them through, but at the same time, I know I'm where I need to be right now. Just three more weeks, Megs. You can do it!!!