A dream deferred

I want to live in Colorado.

My cheatin' heart

The following is a part of a hymn I've found myself meditating on lately. I have been having a hard time reading the Bible lately, so God has been ministering to me in the strangest ways... comments from professors, homework, DC conversations, friends, the weather, hymns that mysteriously get stuck in my head...

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm contstrained to be.
Let thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart,
O take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above.

-- from "Come Thou Fount"

We all float face down

I don't belong here.

Johnny can't decide...

On the streets you hear the voices
Lost children, crocodiles
But you're not into
Making choices, wicked witches,
Poppy fields, or men behind the curtains,
Tiger lilies, ruby slippers
Clock is ticking, that's for certain
--from "30/90," tick, tick... BOOM

A few weeks ago, a psychology friend of mine asked if I was a minor (as in psych minor). I said, "No, I'm 21." Ahhahahaha.

Anyway, even though I'm technically not a kid anymore, I still think of myself as such. Let's face it, my inner-child is probably six-years-old. I dodge responsibility. I whine. I hide in corners. And I HATE making decisions.

It seems like every choice I have to make has undesireable consequences. I don't want to deal with those consequences, so I put off making a decision until the last minute. Not a very "adult" way to behave, huh? Oh well.

In a lot of ways, I see myself in the characters of Jonathan Larson's tick, tick... BOOM (which I have not seen, but I know the soundtrack). Just like Johnny, I can't decide... anything. Just like Susan, I long to get out of the rat race and settle down. Just like Michael, I've bartered my heart for survival.

I'm challenged by a line from The Journey of Desire where John Eldredge writes, "Do we reach for nothing in life because our reaching opens us up to tragedy?" I honestly don't know what to do with this question right now. As usual, Megan can't decide.

"You're fit but, my gosh, don't you know it."

I've been in Upland for the past three Labor Day weekends but only this morning did I venture out at 6:30 a.m. to the annual all-Upland garage sale. Basically, the entire town has yard/garage sales on the same day. How did I miss out on this these past few years? Well, it probably had to do with valuing sleep. Anyway, it was quite a good time. UCC was giving out free popcorn and ice water. Upland Friends Church also had free sodas and cookies. While my friends stocked up on furniture and appliances, I spent 55 cents and aquired two new books, both in great condition and both of which I'd been planning to buy. The first was Love Must Be Tough by Dr. Dobson. The second was The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. I'll look forward to blowing off scholastic reading this semester to indulge in these treasures.

Gather ye rosebuds...

What's with all the psuedo-international cuisine in the DC? We're an American institution. Let's eat like it.

I'm learning a new trick. Instead of constantly rushing from one thing to the next, I'm training myself to welcome spontaneous conversations and activities. Today I was going to the post office to mail something and an old friend was in the Union. Instead of running off, I stayed and talked for about 45-minutes. It was amazing and refreshing. I'll admit I struggle with wanting to rush off. Last night we were talking at dinner and I kept trying to get up and leave to go to senior sem. I was so paranoid I'd be late! But, no, I restrained myself and we made it to the recital hall with plenty of time even after stopping several times to converse with random people.

Yesterday, Vance called me the "new and improved Megan Elder." I suppose he's right. Margaret says I'm a LOT more laid back. I like myself better this way. I'm actually able to enjoy the blessings God has given me instead of rushing with my head down from one thing to the next. Unfortunately, even Type-B Megan has to do her homework. Oh well.

Beginning of the end...

"It's the beginning of the end of the last chapter of the second book," said Margaret last night, referring to our last first day of class as Taylor students. It's important to note that life goes on after college. In many ways, all of us are longing for that life-beyond, but I suppose we better make the best of our time while we're here.