Metaphysical mutilation

Last semester in Fundamentals of Counseling, Vance told us that all anyone really needs is validation. He told of how his son used to jump on the trampoline and say, “Look, Dad!” Instead of saying, “Good job” or “Wow, that’s wonderful. I love you,” Vance would simply say, “I see you.” And that was all his son needed.

I guess I’m finding this to be true. One song that speaks to this reality is “Annie Waits” by Ben Folds. As Annie waits in vain for a phone call from a “friend,” she thinks:

“And so he forgot,
he forgot, maybe not —
Maybe he's been seriously hurt.
Would that be worse?”

The friend’s refusal to keep his promise speaks to Annie’s fear that she does not exist. This is evident as she weighs which would be more painful: bodily injury to someone for whom she cares or his lack of acknowledgement that she matters (i.e. forgetfulness).

And so I’ve been thinking, how have I used this simple truth against people? How often have I ignored someone for whatever reason… fear, guilt, revenge… Thinking back through my life, the hardest blows I’ve ever experienced have been the moments that challenged my very existence, the times when I feel unwanted, unseen.

Perhaps that’s why neglect is one of the most sinister forms of abuse. It tells the abused, “You don’t matter. You don’t exist.”